P!nk - Don’t Let Me Get Me
Pink has come so far.. But this is still one of my favs from her… I loved this time in music… Everyone was being THEM! What I love about pink tho is she has always been herself.. Besides the first rnb album.. Lol.. But besides that she has always been pink! And I love that about her. If your ever feeling like shit.. Not really feeling yourself to much.. Bump this…lol got me through a lot her misunderstood album did..
—2 am thoughts (via froze-by-desire)
I’ve never seen a thing that needed to be transparent more than this.
coke,ex, heo, v
—Things he took away from me #1 (via io-sono-perduto)
Lost the color in my life
Besides the pain in my heart, it’s hard explaining to him that I just feel horrible. That I get nervous talking to him, because I don’t want to waste his time. How do I feel more comfortable talking to a blog instead of my supposed friend. I feel more comfortable expressing myself here because I know he doesn’t come here anymore. He said that my tumblr was a problem for him so I know it’s been a long time, maybe when I asked him to when he was in JA, since he’s been on here. If we’re supposedly doing this agreement idk how it’s going to work out because he makes me feel pressured to talk and that was my personal problem so that’s where tumblr came into play, but we can’t use this anymore so getting things out suitable for his time frame is gonna be hard. He said b4 that he felt like we would be on the phone for hours and waste time because when we weren’t getting anywhere. That was a blow to me because I know sometimes we got sidetracked and we didn’t always stick to the plan but those conversations were a step for me.
So besides my anxiety kicking my ass I have to build my comfort to be able to talk to him. It honestly feels like I’m talking to a complete stranger.
Where did my best friend go?
Where did I go?
I do these reflections on the train because it keeps me from crying. Doesn’t always work because I get teary eyed and have to pause but I usually get to where I’m going without realizing the time pass. This pain takes me to another world, a sad dark place. I made the connection that my eyes are messed up because the darkness is taking over, first it took my hearing, then it took my heart and now my eyes. My soul was lost a long time ago. It took a lot not to cry to that guy just now, he wanted me to dedicate to monthly caring for a foreign child when I still can’t for myself, how could I when I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat for the day or if I can feed my mother, if my lights will stay on, if I can keep the gas on to cook if I do get food. How could I say yes when at any moment I may not be able to.
Is that the same thing Kenneth was trying to tell me? Maybe but the HUGE difference is he still has everything that I was asking help with.
When he said it’s harder for adults when they get something, yeah that’s true because he grew up with this so he has an idea of what his body does so he can kiss as many girls as he choose or give oral to without worrying to give it to them. Or does he? I wondered that a few times. He said he was careful & wasn’t with us when he had outbreaks but yet we still got it, I’ve wondered who else he’s given it to, if anyone else. Or if he’s wondered who else.
Anyway, I avoid flirting as much as I can with these guys because even tho he told me it doesn’t go by a pattern it still has me worried because I’m always stressed and the LAST thing I need added to my list of shit is knowing I gave someone a permanent std. Ugh the anxiety just from the thought. I still get scared about Kendall, even though I “didn’t have” anything at the time or around the time, it’s still in my head that that doesn’t even matter anymore because of how I got it. ESPECIALLY when I read that it’s possible to have the virus active on your skin without the sores being present 😔🔫
(Not here, not on the train. Hold it in 😢😢)
Why is this my life? What did I do to deserve this?
I’ll admit sometimes it does bother me when he starts asking me questions like how was my day, what did I do etc because at the moment I’m so full of pressure and troubles idc about small talk. I wanna get all this crap off my chest so when he said all I need to do is talk to him…. you told me you wanted me to leave you alone when all I wanted was to talk to you. It’s not like we see each other like we used to so when you’re telling me, you want space, how am I supposed to feel comfortable coming to you. When u tell me, my problems cause u stress that u wanna get away from how am I supposed to feel comfortable talking to you about what’s wrong. I feel like he doesn’t care about rebuilding our relationship, and he’s more interested in having new ones. Which is fine but is it also smart to burn bridges with someone who is dependable and loyal to you. For example his surgery, that girl has a car why didn’t she come get him and stay there with him. Idk their relationship but if the guy I’m messing with is in a situation were I can help, I would. But that’s just me I guess, who knows he probably see her as somebody he’s gonna spend the rest of his life with, they’re so unbreakable that they’re gonna be in that relationship forever. So since he doesn’t have any interest in fixing us, just resolving the issue than so be it. I don’t appreciate how Kenneth makes me feel like I’m garbage anyway. Like this worthless child whose nothing. That’s exactly how he makes me feel and honestly day by days I hate him more and more for it.
I would love to have my friend back to get my best friend, but he doesn’t want that so I won’t fight for this anymore.
It hurts letting go but I have no choice. Stacie and Jamar are over.
A thing of the past.
To say it now would be a lie
From which in…. well
When she’s babbling on about something. When you’re arguing. When you see her. When you’re with her. When you’re with your friends. When she cries. When shes happy. When she does something you love. After you ask her out. After she says she loves you. After you just kissed her. Before you leave. My point is, whenever you get the chance to kiss her, kiss her. It makes her feel loved.
if you kiss me when we’re arguing i will punch you straight in the fucking jaw
Lol that last comment
But anyway I always been like this, I rather not argue *sigh*
i dont even sleep anymore i just die for a couple hours each day